jimmy fay

just so you all know, sy hand-coded this website for me. literally hammer-and-anvil style html. thick leather apron, striking a red-hot stake, sending little exhalations of spark into the air, sitting before the furnace performing focused cupellation, smoke from the village bread oven rising behind them. that's what we're dealing with. because this site is basically a completely mechanical rube goldberg machine, posting blog takes untold amounts of labor. sy had me download like fifty anarchoinflected softwares that each do different things at every level of the blogging process and of course i complained the whole time despite expressly requesting this. i say all of this to telegraph a deep care. if you saw me sitting here on the 1s and 2s, unzipping the files, performing a delicate surgery on the code, suturing them back up and spoon-feeding them to the webhosting platform, who like a toddler seems to reject most of what i need it to eat for its own survival, you would never doubt that i could be a patient father. obviously my life is completely fine. i was thinking how sy is kind of like my boss and i'm kind of like their boss in re this website. should we both unionize, ha ha. no but actually they're my ex-girlfriend turned ex-boyfriend turned friend :) sometimes you look around and realize you are in a miasma of ex and current lovers, maybe your friends who you once had a crush on and now they're like your siblings. there are moments of my perfumed gay life that are like being in a beautiful coma. and in my comascape i'm on a boat on a softly chugging river and you're there, and you're there, and you're there. a new yorker headline claims justin bieber as 'pop music's fallen angel' and i repeat the phrase in my head all day. my roommates and i face the couch in a different direction every few months, i love modular living. there is that famous poem by robert hayden that ends 'What did I know, what did I know / Of love's austere and lonely offices?' which is just gorgeous. love is an office, sure (and of course abolish the family), but it's also a traveling salesman.